A little Barry White. A candlelight dinner. An amorous encounter — and fireworks as the angels sing. At least, that’s what he thinks happened.

Men and women often walk out of the bedroom with completely different ideas about what just occurred, recent research showed. The recently released National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that men overestimate whether their partner has had an orgasm and underestimate their pain.

In the survey, 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm last time at bat, but 85 percent of men said their female partners had one. Also, about 30 percent of women reported that sex was painful and, presumably, men are unaware of that too, or else, being the gallant gentlemen we are, we’d stop and snuggle. (Hey, it could happen.)

Granted, this stuff can be funny — as dozens of sitcoms testify. But the findings from the survey, culled from 5,865 people ranging in age from 14 to 94, underscores the troubling fact that men and women, young and old — even couples who’ve been together for many years, don’t talk about sex. And because we are not, we are missing out.

“Sex is hard to talk about even when things are going well. We approach our sexual limitations with fear,” said Debby Herbenick, one of the survey’s authors and the associate director of the Center for Sexual HealthPromotion at Indiana University in Bloomington. And when things aren’t going well, communication is even worse.

Even cancer patients who are used to discussing everything from nausea and bowel movements to hair loss and blood counts with their partner won’t talk about sex, numerous studies show.

“When patients had poor erectile function, their partners were more likely to report that the couple avoided open spousal discussions; this in turn was associated with partners’ marital distress,” a team from the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center reported in the journal Psycho-Oncology last year.

Taboo conversation
If all this seems odd for a 21st century sex-saturated country like ours, June Reinisch isn’t surprised at all. She’s been studying sexuality, and counseling couples, for 41 years, 11 of those as director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, and all that experience has taught her that couples young and old “are not comfortable, and they don’t get comfortable” exchanging information about their sexual needs and desires.

Why? Because, Reinisch argued, from the time boys and girls are about 5 years old, they segregate into same-gender groups. Boys play with boys, girls with girls, and then society enforces that natural segregation when it comes time to talk about our bodies.

“We do nothing to enhance communication between males and females,” she said. Even today, sex education often happens in same gender classes. The message sent, Reinisch argued, “is that it’s taboo or undercover, that you do not talk about male things with females and vice-versa.”

What we ought to be doing, she said, is, from young ages, teaching boys and girls what it means to be a good friend, how a loving family operates, and later, not just how each gender’s body works, but what love is, how to be a good boyfriend, a good girlfriend. Talks about sex shouldn’t just be between father and son, mother and daughter.

Once we are adults, we need to think beyond the obvious about what’s behind our reluctance to talk. “There is research in womenwith vulvodynia” — a condition that results in pain when the female vulva is touched or stimulated — “that they feel they are not being a good wife,” said Herbenick told me. So it’s not about the pain itself, it’s the fear of one’s own self-perception.

For example, Reinisch explained, the reasons men might ask for oral sex aren’t just about the physical feeling.

“The penis has incredible meaning, way beyond that it feels good, in terms of the sense of self, goodness, lovability and being loved,” she said. But women can’t be blamed for not fully appreciating this. “If you talk to men as I have in my career, they don’t think about how much it means, they just know they like it a lot and protect it with their lives. But when it is honored by their partner it makes them feel better about their whole selves…It’s quite amazing. I don’t think women understand the power of honoring that little part.”

(Note to women: calling it “little” probably isn’t a good way to honor it.)

Likewise, she said, men need to better understand the bigger meaning of women’s sexuality. A woman might not want to say sex hurts because maybe she’s growing a little older “and in this culture, God forbid you get old. So maybe she feels it’s a sign she’s not sexy, she is not lubricating, or she is not being aroused.”

Let’s talk about sex
The obvious way out, of course, is to talk — really talk, openly and frankly. That works best if couples are used to experimenting and Reinisch doesn’t just mean the ropes and latex variety, she means collaborating on new positions, new products – some women are even reluctant to use vaginal lube for fear it signals waning youthfulness and sexual allure– or new methods of seduction.

Couples also have to be accepting when a lover makes a suggestion, she says. Saying “How did you come up with that? Did you try it with somebody else?” is a bad idea. When a partner who has been reluctant to share does so, he or she should be rewarded.

For those whom talking is simply too uncomfortable, Reinisch stresses “baby steps,” even non-verbal communication if necessary. Some couples have been so closed off that she has counseled them to use two small porcelain dolls on a mantle; a doll facing out can mean “I’m in the mood,” one with its back turned can mean “not tonight.”

Whatever strategy couples use, there is a reward for communicating. Women can stop feeling pain, men can stop guessing about orgasms, and both partners can get the kind of sexual experiences they want. That’s why, Reinisch insisted, says “communication is the best lubrication.”

Brian Alexander is the author of the book “America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction,” now in paperback.

I have been asked many times how to actually introduce toys into the bedroom; well- the way I did it was to start selling the toys, so obviously that won’t work for everyone. J

One really easy and great way to introduce them is to tell your partner that you are going to an adult toy party with the girls. This is a quick way to see how he would react. (it is also a great way to see adult toys up close and personal- in the privacy of your own home or your friends and in a party setting that is secure and fun! ) If he is excited for you to go to the party, he is excited to stimulate the bedroom experience!

If he doesn’t seem to want you to go to a party…well there you may have the answer that he is intimidated by the toys. Many people misunderstand that the toys are not for taking over in the bedroom but for enhancing.

Keep the conversation light hearted when delving into the toy talk. Don’t go into this conversation during an argument and/or because you just had sex and didn’t have an orgasm.

The fact is that men want to please their spouse/partner and their egos can get involved when you feel the need to get a toy to help with orgasms. But, women sometimes NEED the help to reach orgasm and having her achieve one is in the best interest of everyone.

So make it about him. Explain that a C-Ring (such as Buzzing Butterfly Ring) will help him have an even better orgasm than ever and stick with the kind built for couple’s and it will help you as well. J

I also like to tell ladies to make toys an experience. Not to just have sex and then, oh- whip out a toy, let’s put this on! Massage your man (using our Erotic Hot Massage Kit is an awesome way to do this) , blindfold him- get him in a sexy mood and then use a cream that stimulates his penis (such as Happy Penis) and he will be ready for anything! Slip a C-Ring over his penis and climb on!

Another great toy to make it about him is the masturbation sleeve (such as our Velvet Touch Masturbator) Masturbation sleeves are intended for masturbation but are awesome for enhancing oral sex. Slipping one of these sleeves on and massaging the penis while using your mouth for extra stimulation and your man will forget that there is a toy involved at all.

Again, a great way to let him do anything you want is to get him stimulated and if he will let you; blindfold him.

Keeping the toys simple at first will keep the toys from being less intimidating as well and will lead to bigger and better toys. A few suggestions are Couple’s toys, Nipple clamps, sleeves, etc.

Toys mentioned in this article:

• Double Twin Rabbit (re:couple’s toys) : $43 Vibrating bullets on either side of the penis turns the penis into a vibrator!
• Buzzing Butterfly Ring $15 A great C-Ring for couple’s and for a great price. This Ring has clitoral stimulating nubs as well as a vibrating bullet. And of course the wonderful C-Ring for the penis to keep it erect and keep it lasting.
• Happy Penis $10 Penis stimulating lotion in Banana Split, Pina Colada, and Cherry Sucker flavors.
• Erotic Hot Massage Kit: $32 comes with Heart Warmer Massager, Joy of Erotic Massage DVD, CD of relaxing music and a massage candle that melts into massage oil.
• Lovers Mask: $8
• Velvet Touch Masturbator $28

To sign up for a party and/or purchase one of the products mentioned…Go to About the Parties and fill out the form.

Hot Water

Many people like to just use hot water. This isn’t acceptable because you would have to boil the water to make it hot enough to fight bacteria and this isn’t going to be good for your silicone or jelly toys. The only toys this would be okay for would be glass dildos.

Anti-bacterial Soap

This isn’t a good idea at all because the ingredients that make up anti-bacterial soap would break down your PH levels. Never use Anti-bacterial soap on toys or on your genitals. This will cause the PH Levels to break down and you will get infection.

Don’t use anything

This is the worse idea. You would have infection and your toys would be worthless. And its gross.

There are quite a few brands out there and a few different types for your convenience.
Gel- More concentrated, put a little on, mix in a little water and clean your toy. You must be careful to not get your toys battery compartment wet.
Spray- My preferred method. Spray it on and wipe it off. Easy and cost effective.
Wipes- Wipes are similar to the spray but not as cost effective. The wipes are great for travel however.

So go out and take care of your health and your toys by using toy cleanser. I understand that people would like to spend their money on their toys and not its cleanser, but just as you need socks for your shoes. It is a must.

Masturbation whether with a toy or with your hand is healthy; releases tension and stress, not to mention it helps you learn more about your body and what it takes for your own orgasm and sexual pleasure.

“Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.”

The best toys in my opinion for personal use are the multiple use vibrators. It stimulates the inside of the vagina, namely the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time. There are multiple use vibrators specifically geared for the g-spot orgasm, but just about any toy that has the moving shaft (whether it be beads or rotation) will hit the g-spot too.

Another great toy for the single and married woman is the vibrating bullet. It is also a great starter toy as it doesn’t look like a typical vibrator, isn’t falic and doesn’t intimidate.

Get together with your adult sex toy consultant to book your party today and get you and your other single girlfriends hooked up! Works for married women too!

Sources:

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/masturbation-guide

I asked a pastor once if he thought it was wrong to use sex toys in the bedroom. His answer? Absolutely not. A happily married couple is having sexual relations and having a good time with it? A happily married couple is able to concentrate on God and that is good. Please the woman and she wants more sex. Please the man and he stays with that woman (for the most part). And this is all good under God.

In the Bible, it has very few sexual areas that are declared wrong. Adultry is one of these. Then there are some obvious areas such as beastiality and incest. There is not an area in the Bible that declares pornography, vibrators or the like.

God made sex, he didn’t make it dirty. It was made to connect the man and woman together and to procreate. We make it dirty when we over think it. Remember it for what it is and what helps you connect with your partner is something to cherish and use. And do your research if you think it may something God would be against. We women like to forget that we are sexual creatures when we become mothers or Christians and it shouldn’t be that way. We should always embrace our sexuality as it is a gift God gave us.

In my humble opinion, the best toys for a couple is the C-Rings, the type with the clitoral stimulator. This little bit of assistance can make the difference in a marriage and a sexual session between you and your partner. Giving the woman an orgasm without her having to go in and do a bunch of preparation, mental, physical, etc. Can be like night and day to a busy mom, housewife and working woman.

The really great thing about these parties (the in home parties that we do) you can have a very clean party and not go into the seedy adult book stores or pay hefty online prices for your items. Plus you can earn free items for having the party. Book yours today.

This also works when a man has been drinking and is quick to the draw. Some men take longer when drinking, some take less. I use these for the morning sessions. My partner is definitely quick to the draw in the morning and this helps with that! The mornings are no longer just about him.

All C-rings are easy to apply – some people put them at the base of the penis and some stretch them and put them along the top of the penis shaft and underneath the testicals.

Where you put them depends on your partner and his sensitivity around the testical area. You can have them down there and it may ruin the mood if he can’t hack it!!!

Another fun thing about C Rings is many companies put them together with a vibrator on top and it becomes a vibrating machine for the clitoris. An example of that is like this CRing. Although there are MANY types.

Some have bigger more enhanced type vibrating stimulators and some have smaller, its all about personal choice. These are GREAT for sexual intercourse!!! I have many women thank me for recommending these. Men don’t feel “replaced” by a big toy but the woman still gets to get that extra stimulation.

And if you didn’t read my post about sex stimulators, there are creams, gels and lube that can really help awaken the nerve endings and get the blood flowing for orgasms to occur and that is always an awesome plan!

If you want to book a party and see some of these products up close, we can do that here too! Hostesses get 10% of the party after the party does $250 (in product of course) so book a party today!

Made of different materials, depends on what you like and what feels best to you. Silicone, plastic, rubber, latex, glass or metal are typical materials used for anal beads.

There is usually a ring or pull at the base of the beads to prevent any lodging of the toy.

Anal beads come in variable sizes. Newer users should start out small and work their way up.

Not a fetish item, but considered a bit kinky- anal beads are used by both sexes. The benefit? When you pull them out during orgasm you intensify the climax sensation. During orgasm muscles flex over and over – as the beads are pulled it causes the rectum to flex and the combination of the two causes intense orgasm sensations.

Some anal beads come with vibrators enhancing those sensations even more.

The negative: You should be very comfortable with your partner to use any kind of anal toy or have anal sex. Anal beads can be a bit embarrassing to use as they may have feces on the toy when it pulls out. A way to keep that from happening is to use an anal douche first.

The anal beads can be hard to get fully clean. You want to use a good cleaner and make sure you get them clean.

If you are a bit adventurous and have tried anal sex and enjoyed it, this may be something new for you to try. Check with your local consultant to book a party or order.

Different foods and whatnot are said to be able aid in sexual desire. Chocolate is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. It does have seratonin that helps with the pleasure center of the brain…so it does do something for you. Certain foods are aphrodisiacs because of the way they look. Such as bananas look like a penis, oysters look like a vagina.

Some foods are just plain healthy for you and help with the sex department that way- such as wheat germ. It has a large source of Vitamin E. Vitamin E is a powerful vitamin for sex. It is also an anti-aging ancient as it has many anti-oxidants and is great for hormone balance. Which is also needed for women to have a healthy sex life.

Amongst the aphrodisiacs of the world are herbs. While the FDA do not condone the use of herbs, some have been known to work. A few of the more known herbs are – Ginseng, Horny Goat Weed, Fo-Ti, Damiana, and more. I’ve only personally tried a few of them and didn’t feel much different, but maybe it wasn’t the kind I maybe needed.

Visual aphrodisiacs have been something that has helped many people. Porn is no longer considered dirty and wrong. It can be used to enhance the sexual experience between partners. There are erotica movies that do not show the actual penatration and can be watched by the individuals that do not want to watch full porn.

If you are having challenged sexual experiences, some of these ideas may help you. The point is to not give up. Because a healthy sex life is what keeps you and your partner together.

If you are interested in finding out more about tools that can liven your sex life up- Book a party today!

Sexual Pleasure: They were not designed for a quick orgasm, but a different subtle feeling. Teasing more than direct stimulation. There also has been history behind the balls that some say are for enlarging the penis. Don’t ask me how, its just the story.

When I was doing parties, I would also hear of women who would put two balls inside the vagina and sit on their clothes washer. But I never tried it to know if it worked.

For Health:

Strengthening the floor of the pelvic wall. Inserting the balls (one to start) and working to hold the ball inside the vagina walls, helps strengthen the vaginal muscles. This aids in better sexual experiences, helps restore the vagina after pregnancy and aids in sexual pleasure as the woman can squeeze or hug the penis as it is inside. As you get older and it gets holder to hold your urine, strengthening these walls through use of the Ben Wa balls has been suggested by urinologists and general practitioners.

I have sold many Ben Wa balls in my day. They are a very inexpensive aid for health and have helped me as well.

If you have interest in purchasing Ben Wa balls or having a party- Please book a party and talk to a consultant today.